


Adulation

by AnnieVH



Series: Queens of Darkness Sitcom AU [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, Rumbelle - Freeform, Rumbelle AU - Freeform, Sitcom AU, pre-rumbelle - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 03:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieVH/pseuds/AnnieVH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ella only knows two ways to get her brother to do what she wants.<br/>VERSE: Queens of Darkness Sitcom AU, where Mr. Gold is forced to move in with his sister Ella.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adulation

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: maddiebonanafana as always. Thank you, Maddie!

Malcolm opened the door only slightly to peek inside. No one. And the cackling had ceased. Maybe the three women had taken their gossip somewhere else after six hours, leaving the whole house to himself. Could he be that lucky?

Of course not.

As soon as he sat down on the couch, Ella pushed the kitchen door open and entered the living room with a loud, “Hello, big brother.” Her entourage of three women soon followed.

Malcolm moaned, “Oh, no.”

“How was your walk?”

“Short. I’m off to make it longer.”

She moved so fast he had no chance. In the blink of an eye, she jumped to his side and pulled his sleeve to keep him in place.

“Nonsense, sit with us. Lets talk. We never talk. So!” She smiled full of teeth. “What’s up?”

He frowned. “What’s going on?”

“I’m asking after my big brother. Am I not allowed to be concerned?”

He didn’t reply, just regarded her with suspicion.

“Divorce can be difficult, and I want you to know that I am here for you. How are you feeling?”

His eyes turned to slits as he regarded her face. Then, he stated, “You want something.”

“What?” Ella cried out, ever so dramatic. “Why would you  _ever_ assume I want something from you?”

“Other than the suddenly caring attitude?”

“Suddenly? I’ll have you know that, other than providing you with much needed shelter, I have been asking about your well being every morning.”

“No, you’ve been prying on my personal life for your own amusement and satisfaction. And since when do you call me ‘big brother’? I’ve been your ‘little big brother’ for forty years, or whatever age you pretend to be nowadays.”

Ella touched the edges of her face with the tip of her fingers, as if evaluating how much of a lie she could get away with regarding her own age. But decided to brush that subject aside and reached for his hands instead.

“Brother,” she said, looking into his eyes, “I know that we’ve had our differences in the past, but we are family, are we not? I want you to know that I will always be here for you, and that I love- Nope, can’t do it.” She got up and turned to her friends. “It’s your stupid idea, you do the sucking up.”

“He’s your brother,” Mal hissed.

“But  _you_  need him.  _I_ wanted to find a sex dungeon, until you both decided that politics was a good idea.”

“Need I remind you how important this is for us?” Ursula said, firmly. “And need I remind you,  _yet again_ , that this is a democracy?”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

Mal answered, “You’re undermining our decision.”

Ursula added, “As usual.”

“Miss Gold!” Belle announced, loudly. “Your brother’s heading towards the door!”

The three women stopped and turned.

Malcolm gave Belle a glare full of poison.

Belle gave him a shrug he could only describe as cheeky.

Ella asked, “And where exactly do you think you’re going?”

“Somewhere people don’t advertise their need for a sex dungeon in public!”

“The sex dungeon again,” Mal said, rolling her eyes. “Why is everybody so prude?”

“Alright,” Ella sighed. “You got me. I do want something from you.”

“Good,” Malcolm nodded. “I’m as indifferent to your needs now as I was this morning.”

And continued heading for the door.

Ursula said, “It’s about Mitchell Herman.”

“I have no idea who that is,” he said without stopping.

“Malcolm, I hope you realize I am not above breaking your cane,” Ella said.

Belle’s eyes bulged from her face slightly at that threat.

“Ella,” her brother answered, already on the other side of the door. “I hope you realize you can kiss my ass.”

In one breath, his sister shouted, “ _I’m also not above calling Neal_!”

The door, that was just about to close, stopped on its silent hinges and stayed like that for a long moment. So long that Belle thought Mr. Gold was gone already and that her bosses would soon order her to close the door herself.

But then it swung open and Mr. Gold entered the room again, his face as red as ever.

“What did you just say?” he said, slow and dangerous.

“You heard me.”

“You wouldn’t  _dare_.”

Mal, Ursula and Belle watched as the siblings glared daggers into each other.

Mal was the first to ask, “Who’s Neal again?”

Ella turned back to look at her, knowing fully well her brother wasn’t going anywhere anymore. “Neal is my nephew who lives in New York. My brother’s been keeping his divorce a secret from him, though I really don’t know why. Maybe to keep him away from yet another one of mommy and daddy’s mess. Probably because he doesn’t want to know his estranged son will not take his side of the-”

The door slammed shut.

Belle’s whole body shook.

Ella just smiled and turned back to her brother.

Malcolm asked, “What do you want to know about Herman? And if you mention the word _dungeon_  again” he added, hurriedly, “I  _swear_ , Ella!”

Ella sat down and tapped on the vacant place at her side. “Come here and tell us everything. Was he a patron of strip clubs? Had another family on the bad part of town?” She gasped with delight. “Did he abuse his wife and children!”

Malcolm didn’t sit. “Really? You’re blackmailing me for gossip? Is this what your life has come to?”

Ella shrugged. “Yes.”

Her brother stared at her, as if trying to explain what had gone wrong there. Then, he said, “He always paid his rent in time.”

They waited.

There was nothing more.

Mal pressed, “And?”

“And what?” Malcolm replied. “I was his landlord, not his friend. He paid his rent in time, his son was a golden boy, his wife is dead, I think.”

“Well,” Ella clapped her hands. “Thank you, little big brother. That story gave me chills. Now, girls, if you’re done wasting time, we better get back to-”

“How many properties did he have?”

Malcolm and all three women turned to face Belle. She blushed, but didn’t falter.

Mal was the first to understand what she meant. “Oh! OH! Belle! You are a genius!”

“He rented an office. Why do you care?” Malcolm snapped.

Belle explained, “Because renting a second house could mean he’s keeping a woman on the side.”

Malcolm said nothing, just blinked slowly.

Ursula pointed a finger. “HA! He blinked!”

“What? Of course I blinked. That’s what eyes do!”

“No, you know what we’re talking about,” Mal deduced. “You thought the same thing before.”

“He bought an apartment from me before he left. It’s hardly proof of anything.”

“But you could never explain why he’d buy a flat when he was leaving town,” Ella said, looking way more interested in the story now.

Ursula added, “And I bet there’s a woman living in that apartment, isn’t there?”

“Even so there’s no-” Malcolm started, but the three women jumped off their seats, overjoyed.

“I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!” Mal shout out.

“I told you it would pay off to be nice to your brother, didn’t I?” Ursula said to Ella.

“Be nice to me?” Malcolm said, perplexed. “She used my troubled relationship with my son to blackmail me!”

Ella ignored his last remark, but turned to face him and said, “Okay, here is what I want you to do. You’re going back to Storybrooke.”

“What? No!”

“And you’re going to knock on this woman’s door.”

“I already said no.”

“And find out everything you can about her.”

“No. Why do you even-”

“And you’re  _not_  going to ask me for an explanation.”

“What part of  _no_ -”

“If you do that, I’ll never ask about your divorce again.”

This time, he didn’t say a word.

Then, Malcolm asked, “And how about Neal?”

“Who’s Neal?”

His face was impassive, but Ella knew he was considering it.

He said, “And I can stay here for as long as I want and you won’t throw that in my face.”

“That can be arranged.”

“And I don’t want you to  _acknowledge_  me while I’m here.”

“My pleasure.”

“And no more of these… strange favors.”

“Done.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, clearly, despite all the advantages, he already regretted his decision. But said, “Alright.”

“But you have to present a written report of your finds. And you have to take Belle and Jefferson with you.”

“Fine.” He turned to Ursula and Belle. “Which one is Belle and which one is Jefferson again?”

“I’m Belle,” Belle said, raising her hand and taking a step forward before Ursula and Mal could go for his throat.

“I’ll call Jefferson and he’ll meet you guys downstairs.” Ella said. “You are, after all, leaving now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Picspam: http://annievh.tumblr.com/post/109471145402/queens-of-darkness-sitcom-au-malcolm-gold
> 
> Still taking prompts for this verse.


End file.
